I have been fucking around with tarot cards for about 10 years and I never took them seriously even though I have been fortunate enough to have the gift of what I call The KNOW. Simply put, I am able to get information that comes from outside of my own person intuitively and it is generally correct. Even when I don’t have the exact thing that is happening pin pointed I can often be near someone and know that they are hiding something, or unhappy, or in some altered state of consciousness.
Tarot cards are incredibly interesting to me and they are also a fucking MASSIVE undertaking in terms of really learning them in the academic sense. I have been a fully intuitive reader who always has the book with her until this point. Basically I didn’t read the cards as much as used them to back up whatever it was that I was feeling. Since it was just a fun thing to do for friends it really didn’t matter to me if I memorized them all or not. Today being a parlor trick seer is not longer and option for me. I am on an actual quest to learn the tarot and as many associations as I can because I saw a future in a deep meditation where we are not going to be able to rely solely on our intellect to save us, we are going to need to use our mind AND our magick.
I know what some of you are thinking. Since I decided that my freedom is just as important as your and began to “come out” as an addict I have been invalidated. Being a meth addict means when I start to talk about my ideas it is usually at this point that people tune me out. Or even better, make that concerned she-is-really-crazy judgement look and then tune me out. For the record, I am fully sane. I know what I know and I am not going to waste time defending myself ever. I have had supernatural powers my whole life and I was taught that I was not trustworthy with my own feelings and thoughts. It is all bullshit. I trust myself and I trust what I have learned.
Drugs connect people to things they couldn’t get to without them. We all know this and yet we fucking pretend that when they shoot people with big needles for “truth serums” or “vision” in movies they aren’t giving them acid, concentrated shrooms, or even meth. I think that meth is likely the worst thing I have ever done to myself in terms of self hate; However, I refuse to ignore that it did give me the ability to SEE myself for who I really am. The light and the dark. The me and my shadow. I have had exponential personal growth in the last year, which will fuel the rest of my life. I have also been trapped in the Shadowlands and seeking a way out for as long.
Life is not cut and dry. Ask any military commander that gave the order that would murder x amount of civilians to save 5 times as many somewhere else. Both fucking choices are bullshit and no matter what someone dies. It took me this long to realize that and it applies to EVERYTHING. I think that we need to focus on not getting to the point where we are at war to begin with, whether that is internally or globally, then we wont have to make those kind of choices. Unfortunately, the world is not there yet and neither am I. Maybe I am now…I hope. Due to the time I have invested in research, meditation, spells, and practical magick I have come to some very unpopular beliefs that I won’t even start to talk about here yet. I will reiterate that I strongly feel community is more important than ever before. I believe (and you 100% never have to feel this way) that we need to focus on coming fully into our bodies so that both our body and mind are PRESENT for the future. I believe things are going to happen in the not to distant future that are going to require magick. Anyhoo…
What this all boils down to is that learning the Tarot is a bitch on a regular day. Now that I am relapsing holy fuck what a pain in the ass. When I was working on it sober I wasn’t getting to far to fast either because I was in the middle of a shit storm of a “relationship” and “business” at the same time I was getting sober for the first time in 7 months. I wasn’t going through as much but I was retaining more. I got in 35 days clean before I relapsed (I am still fucking proud of that shit), but realized that now I am awake more and subsequently retaining less. Sleep happens for a reason…dah! Not to mention there is a phenomena in the tweaker world calling “getting stuck” that can fuck up 12 hours of your life if you are not able to catch it. Anyone tweaking that is reading this right now knows…getting stuck is a fucking THING. It means you basically cannot stop what you are doing until your brain -unless there is someone else that is up your ass to do something or you have to leave etc. Left unsupervised though the “stuck” person can stay on a task…well…indefinitely I suppose. I mean I spent 24 hours masturbating one night last summer because I got so stuck there was no undoing that shit. Even losing skin from my va-jay didn’t do the trick. Some things just have to wear themselves out. Or rub the skin off. I can say that it’s great to get stuck on the shit you NEED to be doing but usually it is some dumb article or You Tube thing. Basically, its a goddamn distraction that I try very hard to avoid by taking care of myself, but it is something that just happens and so it is a challenge I will face until I go to rehab in July. I guess you could say I am stuck here. HAHA!!
I realized as I was studying that one of the things that we don’t really talk about much with the mainstream tarot readers is how the cards in reverse are really just the shadow selves of the archetypes themselves. This led me to wanting to see what would a shadow side look like and I started inverting the pictures. The understanding in my brain soared and I feel like one of the muses that I called for in a spell I did on the last new moon gave me that thought because it is fucking INSPIRED. Thank you muse.
Above you will see the 8 of Pentacles from the Wild Unknown Tarot by Kim Krans in her original version and next to it is what I call the shadow side. I have been doing this for all of the cards and I really understand reversals in a whole new way.
The upright card shows the spider fully present in that moment of utter relax because a project is complete. It is bathed in light and you can see it is perfectly centered in the spiral of life. The 8 of pentacles is about being ground and secure, well balanced, and the completion of a job. The 8’s represent infinity and the need to understand the cyclical nature of all things.
Reversed spider is fading into the abyss. Although she sits in the center of her web she is a ghost of what she could be, she is translucent. Spider in reversed seems to have finished her job but is this just a dream? The coloration of the web and the pentacles that surround her give her the appearance of being real and unreal. Spider needs to buckle down and put in work because she has been dreaming so much she is losing sight of her own being. The 8 of pentacles shadow side is about dreaming your life away and disappearing into your own abyss. In this world your goals are not accomplished and eventually you will no longer care because fading out hurts a lot less than being squished.
If the 8 of pentacles shows up in your life with a shadow be sure to ask yourself are you going after your goals, or are you still asleep?
[Note: if you are high reading this and you just need someone to connect with who will not judge you, please feel free to hit me up on one of the social medial links. I lived in TERROR of being found out and the consequences and I damn near killed myself. Although I respect a person’s right to end their own life I just want you to know that you do not have to do that if you choose not too. I am not ever going to judge and I am up, often!
If you are someone who is considering doing hard drugs for fun, do yourself the favor of getting a more balanced hobby that wont cost you teeth. Some things are just not worth the ending.
If you are looking for a tarot reading that is likely to be okay and is free hit me up. I will make you a video.
Here is a resource that I fell in love with last year and got so much support from. If you are looking for a place to give money give it to this site they are fucking KEY to the survival of addicts in a world that wants us all to just die. This site helped to keep me alive and taught me how to use with less damage to my body. Thank you Drug Forum ]